Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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