Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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