I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
