dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
