I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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