That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
