We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
