You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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