Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
