fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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