Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How external is "for external use only"?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
