Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
