You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
