I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
His nipple licking is glorious
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