Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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