i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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