Just fell off a train. Bad.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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