and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
