yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
