I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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