Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
