after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
