Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
