Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Houston, we have a squirter
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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