Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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