Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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