kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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