I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
