We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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