I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
