i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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