no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
