we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
