dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
