I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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