God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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