At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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