last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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