Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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