New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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