Porn is love you can see.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am mentally ready for anal.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
