JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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