and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Randomize
