would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
