Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
