I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
