Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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