People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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