New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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