he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
