Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He passed out mid-signature
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
